Missing Normal-Missing M

People ask me, "How are you doing?" Most of the time I don't even know. One minute I'm crying, the next I am hopeful. Try to be positive and strong, stay in the moment, look to tomorrow, but don't look too far ahead. How long will this detour last? Honestly, it is exhausting.

Transitioning from wife to caregiver is a very strange experience and one I never imagined I'd be thinking about at this point in my life. The main focus and energy is on the recovery process but the reality is that life and my role has changed entirely. That is a difficult concept to face and I still cannot wrap my mind around it. The days blur...the nights are lonely...I miss my predictable life...I miss normalcy...what will my new normal be?

I find very few normals these days. But when I do, I find them in the dumbest places. A morning shower, a load of laundry, traffic.

Sometimes, during the day, I will just snuggle with M in the hospital bed and he wraps his arms around me. And for just few moments, I feel that familiar sense of normal. 



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